{"id":4159,"date":"2025-09-03T01:12:52","date_gmt":"2025-09-03T09:12:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/treehousewriters.com\/wp53\/?p=4159"},"modified":"2025-08-02T16:16:05","modified_gmt":"2025-08-03T00:16:05","slug":"reprint-traumatic-bereavement-and-how-to-help-the-survivors","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/treehousewriters.com\/wp53\/2025\/09\/03\/reprint-traumatic-bereavement-and-how-to-help-the-survivors\/","title":{"rendered":"Reprint: Traumatic bereavement and how to help the survivors"},"content":{"rendered":"

When grief involves trauma \u2212 a social worker explains how to support survivors of the recent floods and other devastating losses<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\n
Rain falls over a makeshift memorial for flood victims along the Guadalupe River on July 13, 2025, in Kerrville, Texas.
\nAP Photo\/Eric Gay<\/a><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Liza Barros-Lane<\/a>, University of Houston-Downtown<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

The July 4, 2025, floods in Kerr County, Texas<\/a>, swept away children and entire families, leaving horror in their wake. Days later, flash floods struck Ruidoso, New Mexico, killing three people, including two young children<\/a>.<\/p>\n

These are not just devastating losses. When death is sudden, violent, or when a body is never recovered, grief gets tangled up with trauma.<\/p>\n

In these situations, people don\u2019t only grieve the death. They struggle with the terror of how it happened, the unanswered questions and the shock etched into their bodies<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a social work professor<\/a>, grief researcher<\/a> and the founder of The Young Widowhood Project<\/a>, a research initiative aimed at expanding scholarship and public understanding of premature spousal loss.<\/p>\n

I was widowed when I was 36. In July 2020, my husband, Brent, went missing after testing a small, flat-bottomed fishing boat called a Jon boat. His body was recovered two days later, but I never saw his remains.<\/p>\n

Both my personal loss and professional work have shown me how trauma changes the grieving process and what kind of support actually helps.<\/p>\n

To understand how trauma can complicate grief, it\u2019s important to first understand how people typically respond to loss.<\/p>\n

Grief isn\u2019t a set of stages<\/h6>\n

Many people still think of grief through the lens of psychiatrist Dr. Elisabeth K\u00fcbler-Ross\u2019 five stages of grief<\/a>, popularized in the early 1970s: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.<\/p>\n

But in fact, this model was originally designed for people facing their own deaths, not for mourners. In the absence of accessible grief research in the 1960s, it became a leading framework for understanding the grieving process \u2013 even though it wasn\u2019t meant for that<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Despite this misapplication, the stages model has shaped cultural expectations: namely, that grief ends once people reach the \u201cacceptance\u201d stage. But research doesn\u2019t support this idea. Trying to force grief into this model can cause real harm<\/a>, leaving mourners feeling they\u2019re grieving \u201cwrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

In reality, mourning is often lifelong. Most people go through an acute period of overwhelming pain right after the loss<\/a>. This is usually followed by integrated grief, where the pain softens but the loss is still part of everyday life<\/a>, returning in waves.<\/p>\n

Although grief is unique to each person and relationship, researchers have found that mourners often strive<\/a> to a) make sense of the death<\/a>; b) adjust to a world without their loved one<\/a>; c) form an ongoing connection with their deceased loved one in new ways; and d) figure out who they are without their loved one<\/a>.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s difficult and at times disorienting work, but most people find ways to carry their grief<\/a> and keep living.<\/p>\n

\"A<\/a>
Julia Mora embraces her granddaughter, Isla Meyer, during a vigil for Texas flood victims on July 11, 2025.<\/span>
\nAP Photo\/Gerald Herbert<\/a><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
When grief and trauma collide<\/h6>\n

However, some losses carry an extra layer of pain, confusion and trauma.<\/p>\n

Sudden, unexpected, accidental, violent or deeply tragic deaths \u2013 like those experienced during the recent floods \u2013 can lead to what researchers call traumatic bereavement<\/a>: grief that is disrupted by the traumatic nature of the death.<\/p>\n

People experiencing traumatic bereavement often endure a longer and more intense acute grief period. They may be haunted by disturbing images, nightmares or relentless thoughts about how their loved one died or suffered. Many wrestle with dread, spiritual disorientation and a shattered sense of safety in the world.<\/p>\n

Some of these deaths are also considered \u201cambiguous\u201d \u2013 unclear or unconfirmed loss<\/a> \u2013 such as when a body is never recovered or is too damaged to view. Without physical confirmation, mourners often feel stuck in disbelief and helplessness.<\/p>\n

This was true in my case. Not seeing my husband\u2019s body left a part of me suspended between knowing and not knowing. I knew he had died but couldn\u2019t fully believe it, no matter how much I lived with the reality of his absence. For a long time, I caught myself repeating these words every morning: \u201cBrent is dead. Brent is dead.\u201d<\/p>\n

In many cases, these reactions aren\u2019t short term. Many people affected by traumatic loss remain overwhelmed and sometimes physically and emotionally impaired for years. Symptoms may taper over time, but they rarely disappear entirely.<\/p>\n

Supporting mourners<\/h6>\n

Traumatic bereavement can feel unbearable. Many mourners struggle with intense, long-lasting reactions that can leave them feeling helpless, altered or even unrecognizable to themselves. They may appear withdrawn, forgetful or emotionally drained because their systems are overwhelmed. Coping can look messy<\/a> or self-destructive, but these are often survival strategies, not conscious choices. I\u2019ve also seen how those same struggles become more survivable when mourners don\u2019t have to carry them alone. If you\u2019re supporting someone through traumatic loss, here are three ways to help.<\/p>\n