When I speak to women about self defense and their ability to fight back, I sometimes get told “It’s different for you because you’re big.”
It’s true that I am larger than the average woman. I am, in fact, about the size of the average U.S. man – or was, at least, until I began some of the inevitable shrinking that comes from age. I also have a pretty classic mesomorph body – sturdy, broad-shouldered, and so forth.
I am, in fact, larger than Mitsugi Saotome Shihan, under whom I studied Aikido for years, and was, in fact, also somewhat larger than my karate teacher back in the 1980s, who I think was around 5’7” and weighed about 140. It should go without saying that both of them could kick my ass, and still can, even though they’re in their late 80s now.
Which is to say that one thing spending half my life in martial arts has taught me is that size doesn’t matter. In fact, part of the lore of martial arts is that training makes it possible for small people to fight effectively.
Size can be intimidating – I’ve had large male friends explain to me that they never got into fights because no one wanted to start trouble with them. Though come to think of it, that was guys who were basically good natured. Guys with a chip on their shoulder tended to get into trouble no matter what size they were.
I might be big enough to telegraph “not worth the trouble” but I’m certainly not big enough to be intimidating to troublesome guys. But I do also have an attitude.
You can be small and still have attitude. I still remember back in my early days of Aikido coming into the women’s dressing room and hearing one of my fellow students – who was maybe 5 feet tall – say, “I was training with this guy who didn’t think women could do this, so I threw him over there and then I threw him the other way.” She was demonstrating hand movements as she spoke and I recall thinking that I was going to be very careful when I trained with her.
Here’s another thing: no one ever takes me for a man. I mean, I’m large for a woman and my voice is relatively deep – I used to be an alto, but my singing range is more tenor these days, maybe almost baritone. Not to mention that I’m loud and I’m hard to shut up.
It might be the hair – I have lots of it. Or my hips. Anyway, something about me tells people I’m a woman, and no one ever assumes I might be trans. Continue reading “Who Gets to Be Strong?”…